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Chronic Pain in Sobriety
 
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Support for chronic pain sufferers in Sobriety's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, April 23rd, 2008
10:22 pm
[plantofjoy]
RE: Have questions about pain mgt and sobriety
 Hello;

I am Josie and I am an addict and chronic pain sufferer.  I am hoping to find friends here that have similiar problems as I do.  I am in recovery from opiate abuse and unfortunately I have severe chronic pain that requires I take opiods on a daily basis.  I have a sober friend holding on to them for me, they only give me what I am prescribed each day no matter how hard I beg for more on "bad" days.  I am having less and less "bad" days mentally, but more physically. I am afraid to tell my doctor that my pain is not responding well to the dose of methadone I am on (I am on 60mg per day, that's 20mg 3X per day).  I have been on that dose for about 6 months now, it stopped being effective 3 months ago and its getting worse.  I just fear rejection, and possibility of my doctor "kicking" me out of the practice because I am being "difficult".  I don't know why I feel this way.  My doctor has been Ok increasing me in the past, but has mentioned that she would not like me to be on too high of a dose.  I wrestle with my mind, I think on one hand I would only need 20mg more per day that would take me from 60mg to 80mg and it would NOT give me a "buzz", I know fully 100% that I am NOT seeking a buzz, I have gone over and over this.  I am seeking more pain relief especially at night. I cannot get thru the night too well these days.  I am asking what others think of this from their own experience.  Should I mention that I think I need 20mg more per day, or just mention that I may need help in general and see what she says?  She knows I cannot take a lot of anti-inflammatories because I have stomach and bowel issues.  Maybe I should tell her how I feel and see if she either increases the methadone or maybe adds another narcotic "break-thru" medication or non-narcotic "break-thru" medication (I have tried Lyrica, and Neurontin, Elavil, Celebrex, and Vioxx, with some allegeries and others made no difference, and some made me too tired).  Thanks for any input.  

Sincerely;

Josie

Current Mood: contemplative
9:41 pm
[jazpoppy]
RE: Just Want To Say Hello and Introduce Myself
Hello;

I am Jaz and I am an addict and chronic pain sufferer.  I am hoping to find friends here that have similiar problems as I do.  I am in recovery from opiate abuse and unfortunately I have severe chronic pain that requires I take opiods on a daily basis.  I have a sober friend holding on to them for me, they only give me what I am prescribed each day no matter how hard I beg for more on "bad" days.  I am having less and less "bad" days mentally, but more physically. I am afraid to tell my doctor that my pain is not responding well to the dose of methadone I am on (I am on 60mg per day, that's 20mg 3X per day).  I have been on that dose for about 6 months now, it stopped being effective 3 months ago and its getting worse.  I just fear rejection, and possibility of my doctor "kicking" me out of the practice because I am being "difficult".  I don't know why I feel this way.  My doctor has been Ok increasing me in the past, but has mentioned that she would not like me to be on too high of a dose.  I wrestle with my mind, I think on one hand I would only need 20mg more per day that would take me from 60mg to 80mg and it would NOT give me a "buzz", I know fully 100% that I am NOT seeking a buzz, I have gone over and over this.  I am seeking more pain relief especially at night. I cannot get thru the night too well these days.  I am asking what others think of this from their own experience.  Should I mention that I think I need 20mg more per day, or just mention that I may need help in general and see what she says?  She knows I cannot take a lot of anti-inflammatories because I have stomach and bowel issues.  Maybe I should tell her how I feel and see if she either increases the methadone or maybe adds another narcotic "break-thru" medication or non-narcotic "break-thru" medication (I have tried Lyrica, and Neurontin, Elavil, Celebrex, and Vioxx, with some allegeries and others made no difference, and some made me too tired).  Thanks for any input.  

Sincerely;

Jazpoppy

Current Mood: contemplative
Tuesday, December 4th, 2007
11:36 pm
[iamme_meiswe]
Weird sensations
Okay So I have been experiencing some really weird sensations and was wondering if any could relate.  Lately I have been having some coughing spells and coughed so hard that if felt someone  was shocking every nerve in my body all at the same time.  Starting from my neck, through my shoulders, and out my arms symmetrically.  Followed by and intense stinging sensation.  Hurts like hell and then its over with.

Thanx
Shawn
 

Current Mood: blah
Thursday, October 18th, 2007
11:40 pm
[iamme_meiswe]
Daily Inventory
 What do you do and/or what questions do you ask yourself when doing your daily inventory?
Saturday, October 13th, 2007
2:11 pm
[iamme_meiswe]
2nd & 3rd Step
 

Hi everyone, I would like to get some experience, strength, and hope on the 3rd step.

We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

What issues did you have with God?
Was there a final moment when you knew that you could place your trust in Him?
Was it easy?  hard?
If you were angry at God how did you handle that?
If you felt abandoned by God how did you deal with that?
What finally caused you to believe?

Anything you have to say would be appreciated.

Thanxs
Shawn

Friday, October 5th, 2007
10:50 pm
[iamme_meiswe]
Did you ever...
Did u ever come to a point where u wanted to be totally honest and found it totally impossible to do so.  U know that the bottom is getting ready to fall out , again, and it has nothing to do with drugs.  Fear runs rampant.  In the deepest part of my heart I know that I do not want to continue to live my life in secrets, yet I do it every day.  Fear that no one will believe me because I've said sorry one too many times.  When I said sorry before I didn't believe I was an addict, I didn't believe my life was unmanageable.  I thought I was in control.  Now I know I am an addict, I am sick, and I have a disease.  The fear of dis appointing my husband again is overwhelming and it makes me consider suicide as an option. 

Current Mood: scared
Saturday, March 17th, 2007
4:35 pm
[speky]
I've started up a new community for those whose lives have been affected in a negative way by social services.

I'd advertising it here since I know there are many NA, AA and other fellowship members who have had dealings with them.

The community is there to support anyone who feels they need it around social services and their behaviour.

If you need it, add it.

http://community.livejournal.com/ss_r_wrong/

Thanks for reading.
Wednesday, March 7th, 2007
11:24 pm
[iamme_meiswe]
Intro
Hi, Im new to the communities so I thought I'd drop in, say hello, and introduce myself.  36, 2 kids, married 15 years.  I am an addict and I also have Multiple Personality Disorder, Lupus, Fibromyalgia, Raynauds, Severe Depression, Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder, and I'm Bi-polar.  I believe I have been an addict all my life.  My addictions became full blown almost 2 years ago when I was on the interstate driving a minivan at 120 miles per hour.  I have lived with emotional and physical pain all my life.  Im a shy person and live most of my life in isolation.  Ten years ago I lived in complete 100% isolation, today it's about 50% isolation, yet the pain is still just as strong as it was then.

Thats all i got right now, so until next time
be safe
Shawn


Current Mood: exhausted
Tuesday, February 6th, 2007
6:16 pm
[speky]
Pain and depression.
Hi everyone,

I've been suffering with back and neck pain for years now and in the last year it's spread to my arms and legs. I got clean and sober last June and since then it's worsened as I didn't have cannabis and alcohol to numb myself.

Being in constant pain is really getting me down. Painkillers prescribed by my doctor only help a small amount and I'm sick and tired of suffering.

How do you guys cope with being in pain and being sober?

I'd appreciate any suggestions.

x

Current Mood: sick and tired
Friday, December 15th, 2006
12:20 am
[musecalliopeia]
Recovery Birthday
As of 14 minutes ago, I am now 2 calendar years clean of my self-destructive behavior!

No cutting; no hitting myself with a hammer; no sexual behavior with someone that I don't love to try to boost my ego by thinking 'At least he wants me'; no shoplifting; NOTHING.

I've gone to meetings; seen my therapist; identified triggers and am learning ways to deal with them when they occur; tried to come up with healthy coping mechanism (thanks,
[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<lj-comm="better_things">') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

As of 14 minutes ago, I am now 2 calendar years clean of my self-destructive behavior!

No cutting; no hitting myself with a hammer; no sexual behavior with someone that I don't love to try to boost my ego by thinking 'At least he wants me'; no shoplifting; NOTHING.

I've gone to meetings; seen my therapist; identified triggers and am learning ways to deal with them when they occur; tried to come up with healthy coping mechanism (thanks, <lj-comm="better_things">!); etc.
Thursday, November 23rd, 2006
4:29 pm
[musecalliopeia]
It's Thanksgiving, and I'm letting everyone I care about that I am very thankful for them and their presence in my life.

Thank you.

Love,

Calli

Current Mood: thankful
Thursday, November 9th, 2006
12:46 pm
[musecalliopeia]
So, some cool stuff happened today!

a. Things went well in court. Graduation was mentioned for the first time since January! Since my judge wasn't there (again) and, instead, I saw a county commissioner (again), it hasn't been decided whether or not I will graduate, but Rick submitted a report saying that I was doing everything I've been asked to do. My P.D. says it's a "close call", and it's a call my judge will have to make, but everything looks pretty good, I guess. No new charges or cases in two years, no violations, I test every week (with never a missed appointment), I see my therapist every week, I go to 3 or 4 meetings (on average) every week, I have a sponsor that I talk to on a regular basis, and I'm almost 23 months clean [I held up my arms to the judge and said, "I'm not ashamed to wear short sleeves anymore."]: it's just a matter of me being on medication, but (and I feel this is important) I'm taking steps to get off that medication. As I've told my judge before, I'd do anything to get my life back, and it's the absolute truth. I still fear that they won't let me 'off' until I've stopped taking the medication, but.... maybe. But, while my next court date isn't that far off (which is annoying), they didn't change my probation date - I'm still scheduled to get off at the end of November. I haven't been this close to finishing this mess in months. I think I'm going to try to collect letters and the like, documenting that I'm doing well.

b. I called the place where I'm supposed to have an interview tomorrow morning, and found out that, while no-one else in the store seems to know about my interview, the owner/manager seems to be scheduled, so that's good.

c. I reviewed the information that Social Security sent me and found out one of the biggest reasons that I was denied - they put down that Morgan and I "present ourselves to others as husband and wife", which we most emphatically do *not*. So the dude I just talked to said that that would most probably change their decision, because that was the fact that they (mostly) based their denial on. There were some other mistakes as well, so I informed him of those, too. He's sending me the appeal packet.

Current Mood: I feel like I'm a good girl!
Sunday, November 5th, 2006
6:37 pm
[musecalliopeia]
I'm disabled, both from chronic migraines and severe disc disorder. I didn't intend to post previously as promortion, as such, but because... well... this is something that has to do with my life, and it is something that brings me a lot of joy. Prior to 'coming down' with chronic migraines/disc disorder, I never did work of this sort. I never thought I could. In a weird sort of way, my disabilities 'gifted' me with artwork, if that makes sense.

The fact that I can make beautiful things to wear (or for others to wear) makes me glow inside. It is an amazing thing to wear something I made, and when other people comment on it, I think, "I made that!" I have a feeling of accomplishment, I guess, and it feels *so* good.

Current Mood: thoughtful
12:36 am
[musecalliopeia]
Hear ye, hear ye, hear ye!!!

In addition to participating in NaNoWriMo this year, I also just posted my very first ever necklace to be sold on ebay! [If you're curious, "jpferal" is Morgan's user ID - I'm getting myself set up with a seller's ID, but I really wanted to post it tonight. :)] I think it's pretty, but I'm biased as I made it. :) If you'd like to, feel free to look at it, and if the mood should strike you... well, I don't currently have a job, and I'm trying to make money, so please, if you like it, feel free to bid on it. :)

I'm very proud of it. :)

[Edit: I know I cross-posted this, like, everywhere, and I hope no-one is terribly upset about it. I'm *really* excited about this - I'm proud of the work I do, and it's exciting for me to see this necklace I made posted. I honestly kind of squeaked when I first saw the posting. So, I'm a silly, enthusiastic girl, but I hope that's OK. :)]

Current Mood: excited
Thursday, October 26th, 2006
7:06 am
[musecalliopeia]
Cross-posted in a couple places....
OK, OK, OK. I just did something that I'm actually rather proud of, even though it's something I probably shouldn't have done. I mean, technically it was illegal. Though, as I told 3catsjackson last night, it's only illegal if you get caught. ;) [Obvy, that's totally not true, but.... :)]

I needed to go pick up some medication: My doctor had written a scrip for me a week and two days ago, but because it was early [Very long parenthetical note here.... Feel free to skip if you'd like to. :)Collapse )] I couldn't get it. Or, more appropriately, my insurance wouldn't pay for it. And, at almost $5 a pill (and I take 3 pills per day), I couldn't afford to pay for the month's worth on my own. Today is the day that my insurance would pick up the tab. However, when I called at midnight (can't blame a girl for trying), the pharmacist said that my insurance was refusing to cover it yet, and I know that, for some reason, Blue Cross thinks that somewhere around 5 AM is the "ping" time that they'll accept charges on the date of coverage. I don't know why. Maybe they consider midnight to still be the night of the previous date, and 5 AM is morning of the date that they'll cover? I dunno.

ANYWAY.... long story short (I know, too late! ;) ) I needed to go pick up my meds. It was as important as it was not only because I was in a lot of pain and, thus, couldn't sleep, but also because I want/need to go do the whole "hire me!" thing at Spherion today. Morgan had said that he'd go pick it up for me in the morning when he went to the DMV, and I could sleep, but since even three Benadryl weren't letting me sleep, I decided that I really should go pick it up on my own.

Like I said - this is technically illegal: a) I don't have my license yet (thougn I'm a good driver and am ready to take my test), and b) Morgan hasn't registered his car again yet (which is why he's going to the DMV later this morning, so I'll be able to take my test really really soon). If a cop had pulled me over, I'd've been in deep shit. And I can't deny that part of the reason that I'm so proud of how I did because a cop *didn't* pull me over. I *didn't* make any mistakes. Etc. But I needed my meds. And the sooner the better, if I want to go try to get hired in a few hours - I needed some time to let the meds work before I go in.

I got in the car a few minutes til 5. I drove carefully and a couple miles under the speed limit to Walgreens. I added some gas to the tank, since the car was kept telling me that it was hungry, and couldn't I feed it soon. ;) I watched all the cars around me carefully - cars at the side of the road, cars on the road, cars at intersections... I watched carefully to make sure that there weren't any cops who might get bored and start tailing me long enough to discover the lapsed registration. Actually, I had one difficult moment at about the same time that I pulled into the gas station - a black and white was a half a block ahead of me as I turned into the gas station, and it made a U turn and pulled onto the street that formed the east/west border of the station, and sat there with its headlights on. It might have been doing that to make sure that I wasn't going to start any trouble, but it made me nervous. The last thing I wanted was it to pull out after me onto El Camino Real and discover that I shouldn't have been driving the car. :P So I fumbled with the money as I was paying the attendant to stall, and another car pulled into the station. Bingo! The cop could watch the other dude instead of me. I drove in the lane closest to the median, because I figured it would make it harder for any cops parked along the side of the road to get a good look at the license plate.

Anyway, I got my meds and came home the same way - very, very carefully. :) And then, since I'd spilled a little Coke along the center console, I got some paper towels and went back downstairs and cleaned it up.

So there you have it: I went and took care of myself, I drove carefully to avoid any unwelcome attention, I was thoughtful about the car being almost out of gas, and I cleaned up the small mess I made. :) And, in a few hours, after a nap, I'm going to get up, make myself as pretty as possible, and go see if I can't find myself a job to help out with the household finances. :)

Oh, and, BTW... I'm thinking really really seriously about going back to school to get a degree in medical assisting. Any feedback?

P.S. - I think part of the reason I enjoyed this so much is that... Wow, this is bad of me, but... I shouldn't have done it. There's always a little frisson that I experience when I'm doing something mildly naughty.

Addendum: The other reason I did all this, as unlikely as it might sound, is so that Morgan didn't have to deal with it. He becomes stressed when he has to deal with my medication, so I'm trying to take responsibility for that as much as I can, even if it means taking the bus or whatever to deal with it by myself, and not have to ask him for help. It's just that at 5 AM, the buses don't run all that often. And it's dark. And cold.

Current Mood: proud of me!
Wednesday, August 16th, 2006
1:52 pm
[musecalliopeia]
X-Posted All Over the Place, Sorry
I really wish someone could explain to me why I've got shingles, AGAIN.

I just stopped taking the antivirals a few days ago! [I was bad and forgot to take them until they were completely finished, but, still...]

This time, they're on my face, kind of on the edge and underside of my right jaw.

I just thank gods that my doctor gave me a refill on the antiviral meds.

Current Mood: confused
Tuesday, August 15th, 2006
4:58 pm
[musecalliopeia]
I just saw the pain specialist.

He said that the problems I'm having with my leg are absolutely consistent with my MRI findings. The back pain isn't, but it's not unusual, either. He said that he feels that rebound migraine is very unlikely in my case (given the length of time I've been having them, the different things I've tried, etc.), but that consistency in my medication regimen is definitely something to strive for.

He's prescribed a trial of Celebrex, starting with a high loading dose for five days, then dropping down a bit for the following five days. Should it help, I'm to continue with it, and if it doesn't help, I should stop at that time. He's also prescribed a trial of some lidocaine patches. Again, if they help, I'm to continue, and if not, I should stop after giving it a 10-day trial.

Plus, he gave me a referral to the head of the spine clinic at UCSF - if a surgery will help me, then he'll tell me so. But he's conservative, so if he's not sure, he won't put me under the knife.

Current Mood: hopeful
Friday, July 21st, 2006
5:36 pm
[musecalliopeia]
Meditation
Here is the mantra/prayer/meditation that I created, for those who are interested:

Get as comfortable as you can, close your eyes, and seek that place in yourself that feels connected to the divine. Breathe deeply and slowly for a minute or so, making sure that your exhalation completely empties your lungs. Allow yourself to just relax a little more every time you exhale.

Inhale slowly, thinking "Serenity". Imagine as you inhale that you are drawing serenity in with the air. Hold for a moment, envisioning your tissues absorbing the serenity you took in, as it takes up the air, then exhale, allowing your breath to carry any stress out with it.

Following the above steps, inhale slowly again, thinking "Faith". As you exhhale, allow distrust to exit , your body through your lungs.

Repeat, this time thinking the word "Love". And this time, exhale hatred and fear along with the expended breath.

The final word of the mantra is "Peace". Follow the above steps, and allow your body to exale any non-peaceful feelings.

Repeat as needed, and hopefully, you will feel tension leave you, and relaxation seeping in through your pores. If the words I mentioned above don't work for you, try other combinations of words - whatever will make you feel better.
Monday, July 17th, 2006
1:21 pm
[rks1st]
I am working on choosing different self talk. I've been focused far too long on the negative, on my belief that life is hard.
I choose to live in the positive. Only I can make this change reality.
When I put the focus on my Self, anything is possible. I am then able to see what belongs to me.
I am cleaning up my mess without blaming others. I am taking responsibility and letting go of the outcome.
I am letting go of my attachment to the behavior and choices of others.
I am rewriting "the script" to be about me without attempting to co-opt others into my play and manipulating them to follow my directions
I am letting go of neediness and desperation. I am confident and capable.
I have a plan for my future.
I am validating my Self.
peace.
Sunday, July 16th, 2006
10:53 pm
[musecalliopeia]
Shhhhh! :)
If we keep our voices down, I might be able to get away with this... I need to write something, so I'm playing hooky for a couple seconds - I can't stay long, I have to finish this project. :)

I've been giving my recovery a particularly large amoung of thought lately. I go back to court on Thursday, and, y'know, I'm working very hard at my recovery, but I'm scared that my judge is going to arbitrarily decide that, despite all the progress I've made (and despite the "progress, not perfection" sign he has hanging in his courtroom), I need to spend yet more time as a guest of the county's.

Despite that fear, I'm proud that, while I added a couple more meetings to my meeting schedule, I did it for me. I mean, think about it. Once upon a time, I would've rebelled hardcore against what the judge was making me do/doing himself. Or I would've tried to make it look like I was a being a good girl, but in reality just trying to pull the wool over his eyes. I'm not. I've been going to about three meetings a week for some time now, and now I'm adding a couple more meetings.

For the first time in my life, I feel like I'm worth taking the time, making the effort, over, so that I can get better.

Having come to that realization, I now know that I need to do something a little more tangible than what I have been doing, in part so that when things get difficult, and I feel like I can't do it anymore, I can look at my progress. So I bought this fabulous little journal last night, for me to use as my recovery journal.

OK, I've really got to get back to work now. :)

Current Mood: working
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