I've been giving my recovery a particularly large amoung of thought lately. I go back to court on Thursday, and, y'know, I'm working very hard at my recovery, but I'm scared that my judge is going to arbitrarily decide that, despite all the progress I've made (and despite the "progress, not perfection" sign he has hanging in his courtroom), I need to spend yet more time as a guest of the county's.
Despite that fear, I'm proud that, while I added a couple more meetings to my meeting schedule, I did it for me. I mean, think about it. Once upon a time, I would've rebelled hardcore against what the judge was making me do/doing himself. Or I would've tried to make it look like I was a being a good girl, but in reality just trying to pull the wool over his eyes. I'm not. I've been going to about three meetings a week for some time now, and now I'm adding a couple more meetings.
For the first time in my life, I feel like I'm worth taking the time, making the effort, over, so that I can get better.
Having come to that realization, I now know that I need to do something a little more tangible than what I have been doing, in part so that when things get difficult, and I feel like I can't do it anymore, I can look at my progress. So I bought this fabulous little journal last night, for me to use as my recovery journal.
OK, I've really got to get back to work now. :)