iamme_meiswe (iamme_meiswe) wrote in pain_n_sobriety,

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Did you ever...

Did u ever come to a point where u wanted to be totally honest and found it totally impossible to do so.  U know that the bottom is getting ready to fall out , again, and it has nothing to do with drugs.  Fear runs rampant.  In the deepest part of my heart I know that I do not want to continue to live my life in secrets, yet I do it every day.  Fear that no one will believe me because I've said sorry one too many times.  When I said sorry before I didn't believe I was an addict, I didn't believe my life was unmanageable.  I thought I was in control.  Now I know I am an addict, I am sick, and I have a disease.  The fear of dis appointing my husband again is overwhelming and it makes me consider suicide as an option. 
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