Did u ever come to a point where u wanted to be totally honest and found it totally impossible to do so. U know that the bottom is getting ready to fall out , again, and it has nothing to do with drugs. Fear runs rampant. In the deepest part of my heart I know that I do not want to continue to live my life in secrets, yet I do it every day. Fear that no one will believe me because I've said sorry one too many times. When I said sorry before I didn't believe I was an addict, I didn't believe my life was unmanageable. I thought I was in control. Now I know I am an addict, I am sick, and I have a disease. The fear of dis appointing my husband again is overwhelming and it makes me consider suicide as an option.